STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. — In August 2023, Khaeli Reynolds was dropped off at the College of Staten Island in Willowbrook by her parents. They had driven all the way from Colorado so that she could live out her dream of studying to be a neurosurgeon in New York City.
It was a bittersweet farewell marking the start of her freshman year. What her parents didn’t know was that this would be the last time they’d see their daughter alive.
“I rode with her dad and her boyfriend and we took her to move in,” Reynolds’ mother Cassie Stout, 38, said. “I remember holding onto her and hugging her and crying and kissing her and telling her, ‘if you need anything, I’m just a phone call away.’ I just wanted to hold her forever.”
Six months later, on Feb. 20, 2024, the 19-year-old was found unconscious in her dorm room.
Her family ultimately discovered that Reynolds had overdosed on her prescription medication, apparently purposefully. Four days later, on Feb. 24, she took her final breath.
“I had no idea she was hurting so bad,” her father Dennis Van Derslice said at her funeral. “Khaeli was my best friend.”
Described by childhood friends as someone who “always had everything together,” the depth of Reynolds’ suffering had been hidden from the people who loved her the most.
“I feel like this was a result of mental health issues and she was just trying to hide it and stay strong,” her mother said. “That’s the type of person she was.”
Reynolds was among the thousands of college and university students who face severe mental health challenges. The crisis on campuses goes back decades; a key study by the Centers for Disease Control in 1995 raised alarm when it found 10% of college students had seriously considered suicide and nearly 7% had a specific plan.
For today’s students, some of the risks are even greater, with a 2024 National College Health Assessment Study conducted by the American College Health Association finding that 25% of students screened with a suicide behavior questionnaire were at risk, and 2.4% of students had made a suicide attempt in the past 12 months.
Even as investments in youth mental health ramp up, including a Staten Island program that hopes to be nation-leading in its big-picture approach, experts say there is much more to be done to save the lives of college students in crisis.
“There’s a myth that most people who want to commit suicide want to die,” said Dr. Stephen Wakschal, a senior psychologist at Northwell Health who has more than 40 years of experience in the field. “They don’t. They want the pain to end. They want to live but they just have a hard time connecting to that life side of them.”
‘Just your normal shy kid’
Growing up, Stout said that aside from what seemed like typical teenage anxiety, she does not recall Reynolds exhibiting signs of mental health issues.
“She was just your normal shy kid,” Stout said.
Reynolds was born in Texas on Nov. 9, 2004, to a 17-year-old Stout, who was no longer in a relationship with Reynolds’ father, Van Derslice. It was the pair’s second child; their firstborn, Kaitlyn, had arrived 23 months earlier.
Reynolds’ childhood was marked by change, with a move to Lincoln, Nebraska, with her father at age 4, followed by a custody fight between the parents over their two daughters, according to Stout.
Van Derslice ultimately moved the girls to Colorado. He and Stout each went on to have more children with new partners, resulting in a big blended family with six total siblings. The two sisters would spend summers with their mother in Nebraska.
“When the girls were in Nebraska, they were best friends with their cousins, constantly having sleepovers... we were just doing all kinds of things to make up for lost time,” Stout remembered.
As a teenager, Reynolds’ best friends Randi Price and Avie Carter-Wilder said, Reynolds was ambitious.
“I was the quiet kid in middle school. When I saw her, I saw how confident she was. I was like, ‘yeah, I have to be friends with her,‘” Price said.
Reynolds was in Advanced Placement classes throughout high school and played volleyball. She was the first in her family on her mother’s side to go away for college.
“Khaeli always had everything together. She was always so put together. Her room is always clean, books are always organized and color coated,” Price said.
The trio of friends, who were inseparable since meeting at Monarch Middle School in Louisville, Colorado, were sad to part for college, but reunited when they returned home for winter break in 2023.
“I remember us all just being happy to see each other. We would always just hug each other for like five minutes,” Carter-Wilder said.
“Obviously it’s sad because it’s the last time I got to see her,” Price said, her voice breaking.
Seizures, medication and struggles
When Reynolds was 15, her father found her in the shower of their Colorado home after hearing a loud thump, Stout said. Reynolds was convulsing.
“That was the very first seizure she ever had, and they just kind of came spontaneously after that,” Stout said.
Stout said specialists were unable to diagnose the cause of the seizures, but prescribed medication to control future episodes.
“They had her on Lamictal, which come to find out actually increases suicidal thoughts,” Stout said, acknowledging the medication did help “a little bit” with Reynold’s seizures.
Lamictal is commonly prescribed to manage seizures, especially in individuals with epilepsy. According to Cleveland Health, there are certain side effects to watch for, including allergic reactions, vision changes, fever and sensitivity to light, among a few others. Thoughts of suicide or self-harm, worsening mood or feelings of depression are also potential side effects.
Stout said that Reynolds experienced seizures occasionally, sometimes a couple of weeks in a row, or even months in a row. She had at least three seizures while at the College of Staten Island.
“We thought maybe it was stress-induced,” Stout said.
Reynolds’ friends Price and Carter-Wilder said they began to notice that their confident friend, who always stuck up for what she believed in, was starting to grapple with self-doubt in college.
“We knew she was really struggling. It was kind of sad to see her doubting herself a lot because that was something we had never really seen,” Carter-Wilder recounted.
“She would say, ‘I just feel like I’m not good enough for this.’ Her seizure disorder came up and she was really upset. I remember calling her one time and she said, ‘if my seizures keep getting worse, can I even be a doctor?‘”
The friends showered Reynolds with text messages of support, and Carter-Wilder said Van Derslice — who was worried about Reynolds facing her seizures alone on Staten Island — had begun planning to move her back to Colorado.
“She’s always been so independent and strong. I think that really took a toll on her... that she was going to have to give up on New York and the life she wanted to have because of some disorder. She talked to us a lot about how it’s just not fair,” Carter-Wilder recalled.
‘Khaeli has left us to fly with the angels’
When Reynolds became unreachable on Feb. 20, 2024, her parents called the resident assistant for her dorm at the College of Staten Island to check on her.
Initially turned back by Reynolds’ locked door, Van Derslice urged the resident assistant to go back, adding urgency to check immediately, Stout recalled.
According to Stout, when the resident assistant accessed the room, Reynolds was on the floor, apparently having a seizure. She was rushed to the hospital and treated in the ICU. Stout took the next flight from Nebraska with Reynolds’ sister, Kaitlyn, and Reynolds’ father flew from his home in Colorado.
“We got out there and that’s when we learned that she had been having the seizures. And that’s when we learned that she had apparently overdosed on her Lamictal,” Stout said.
Over the course of the next four days, Reynolds was sedated, diagnosed with pneumonia and experienced seizures. She had a feeding tube inserted, and underwent a 24-hour electroencephalogram for brain activity, daily lab tests, an electrocardiogram, and a chest x-ray.
On Feb. 24, 2024, when Reynolds was taken off of life support, she had a seizure shortly before she died.
“Our sweet, young, beautiful, full-of-life baby girl Khaeli has left us to fly with the angels today,” Stout wrote on her Facebook page that day.
Carter-Wilder and Price both said they struggled with shock after learning of Reynolds’ death, and said the questions that friends were left with are hard to fathom.
“It came as such a shock to everybody,” Carter-Wilder said. “It hit hard in not understanding why. I still struggle with that.”
“It’s just hard to think about, that she felt like she was going be a burden if she had voiced anything and it was just so not the truth,” she added. “It really hurts me to think about that being her mindset.”
In a letter issued on Feb. 26, 2024, College of Staten Island president Timothy Lynch wrote the school was “deeply saddened” by the death.
“Ms. Reynolds was a resident of Dolphin Cove and a valued member of our community. While we mourn her tragic loss, we send our deepest condolences to her family and friends during this difficult time,” the letter stated.
The school did not respond to a request for comment on this story.
Resources for students in crisis
Stout now thinks about what changes can prevent similar deaths in the future.
“I wish that people — whether it’s staff or the (resident assistant) — were more knowledgable of not just mental health, but seizures and other emergency issues or concerns because that literally could have been a matter of life or death for her,” Stout said. “Like, had they known and been able to offer some services, and whether that would have been services there on the Island or otherwise, just something available.”
On college campuses, Stout wishes for regular check-ins to be available as a mental health resource for students — especially for new students, she emphasized, given that Reynolds was so new to the campus and to an area that was very unfamiliar to her.
“Just the check-ins would make a world of a difference. Just knowing that there is somebody there locally that cares because in our case — yeah, she had people that cared, but we’re all hundreds of miles away,” Stout said.
Stout also emphasized education for students on what resources are available.
“I don’t think she realized or knew anything that could’ve been beneficial to her,” she said. “She didn’t know a doctor, she didn’t know any of the outside resources that were available to her, and specifically on Staten Island, there’s already such limited resources.”
Khaeli’s impact
Today, a little over a year later, Reynolds continues to serve as a reminder to her best friends to keep on going no matter what.
“In my day-to-day life, when I am really tired or am not feeling good enough in what I am doing, she’s always that voice in the back of my head saying, ‘you have to keep going.‘” Carter-Wilder said. “Randi and I are not allowed to give up. We owe it to each other and we owe it to Khaeli. We’re in this for the rest of our lives.”
Price says she has come more and more out of her shell, honing in the confidence Reynolds had.
“Her presence actually made me more confident in who I was because I know she actually saw me for who I was. Not who I pretended to be,” she said. “I dyed my hair red. I got a tattoo. I did all those things after she passed away, so I feel like now that that I am doing all these things, she’s proud of me. I am embracing who I want to be... just as she did.”
Stout said Reynolds advocated for the underdog.
“She was such a loving, arms-wide-open person,” she said. “She really wanted — it’s so hard to say it in the past tense — what every human just rightly deserves... which was truly just human rights across the board.”
In Nebraska, there is an annual rollerskating event at the Malone Community Center dedicated to Reynolds because she loved rollerskating, a love she got from her mother. At the event, they talk about mental health, and share about the resources available at the center, which is also what Reynolds advocated for.
“She has impacted a lot more people than she realizes,” Stout said.
Van Derslice said he is living proof that Reynolds changed people’s lives for the better.
“She helped me grow. She taught me how to apologize and I did that a lot with her. She didn’t accept being treated any less than she deserved and she helped me grow in that respect... because of that she made me a better father and a person. I feel like I am so much better because of her,” he said at her funeral.
He encouraged parents to check in on their kids and spend time with them. He also advised kids to stay connected with their parents, and urged everyone to check in on their friends.
Signs to watch out for
Dr. Wakschal, who has developed the Conquer Suicide Awareness and Intervention Training Program, agrees that loved ones should stay as connected as possible.
A person who is suicidal is usually hopeless and helpless, according to Dr. Wakschal.
“People look for a reason on why someone would take their life, and there isn’t (one). It’s so multifaceted that we’re never able to say, ‘it’s that’ or ‘this is why,‘” he said.
He pointed out pillars that contribute to suicide: a sense of hopelessness that things will never improve, coupled with helplessness that nothing can be done to change the situation, even by oneself.
While there is no single reason why people end their lives, as it is a complex issue, he highlighted some signs to watch for. These include impulsive or reckless behavior; a lack of interest in personal appearance; physical health complaints or worsening conditions with a stress-related component; misuse of alcohol or drugs; and anhedonia, which is loss of interest in pleasurable activities. Additional signs may include general withdrawal, irritability, expressions of past regrets, feelings of worthlessness, and any noticeable changes in behavior.
“If there’s someone who we’re concerned about, and in the next day they look better and we’re not concerned about them... that’s when our concerns should really be elevated because somebody who is suicidal doesn’t get better overnight,” he noted. “If they look so much better the next day, it’s usually because they’ve made a plan to end their life and for the first time, they’re not experiencing pain.”
In colleges, he firmly believes that resident assistants should be trained in suicide awareness and intervention so they are equipped to recognize the warning signs and know how to respond effectively.
He said how on social media, when someone takes their lives, we see prayer emojis.
“Prayer emojis don’t work... they don’t save a life,” he said. “Just like how people go for CPR training, why not go for suicide awareness training? It’s all about education... awareness training, what to look for, how to reach in rather than waiting for people to reach out, it’s getting back to the basics of being your brother’s keeper.”
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Editor’s note: The Staten Island Advance/SILive.com typically limits reporting on suicides to those that occur in public places, involve public figures or, in some circumstances, where there is a larger impact. If you are in need of help, please call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, which provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, seven days a week, across the United States. Simply call or text 988.
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